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About Varied / Artist Official Beta Tester NikoMale/United States Groups :icondreadfully-dramatic: Dreadfully-Dramatic
A darker form of beauty.
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Deviant for 3 Years
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Given by copper9lives
Statistics 329 Deviations 3,975 Comments 21,591 Pageviews

Newest Deviations


Oct 19, 2014
4:41 pm
Oct 19, 2014
3:48 pm
Oct 19, 2014
3:48 pm
Oct 19, 2014
8:58 am
Oct 19, 2014
5:37 am


Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
my chest, crushed and bleeding,
breaking my coughs into couplets,
choking my neck into a fate worse
than death; arsenic in my throat,
the pleasant feeling of poison dripping
from my fingers,
blood making my vision run

i cannot disappear.

reflect this mess of me into the
fragments of mirror, screaming,
“help me.”

taste this devastation of myself, this heart
rendered meaningless and
beating-too-fast-for-comfort –
i am breaking.

no one wants me to express the damaged nature
of my soul, the cracked
figment of my mind, the nine hearts
beating inside one chest;
one crushed chest, breaking, bleeding, cracking,
fragmenting, hemorrhaging, blistering,
shifting, falling, choking, climaxing, breathing,
hating, collapsing, stopping, ceasing, fracturing, rupturing,
fissuring, gasping, snapping, splintering,
splitting, sputtering, panting, fucking breathle s s,
crippling, debilitating, screaming,
cursing, fuc k i n g
help me.
i became lost,
trapped inside a bottle of your saltwater
nightmares, sipping on
algaeblood until your lambent light bulbs
f l i c k e r e d
to boil my freezing waters.

broken toy ships,
oceans of your soul poured from paper, anathematized
eyes, pipe dreams spent
lounging in a sea of heartfelt retentions.
i write logs of bad weather,
hardships spat onto my eyeglasses, filling
me with the sorrow i taste on
your lips.

widower, spoken words; pink sheets of rushing
water, trembling hips
under wrinkled hands burning the
tips of your hair.

black monday –
i promised you a deep blue,
but left you with thighs of shallow red.
boreal agony.
i have a chest full of blood,
and a mouth that spits hypocrisy.

it has been a while.
Art of the Week (is back!)
4 deviants said Sweet Dreams by kawacy
4 deviants said IMG 9730-web by warhammerphoto
3 deviants said Eiffel Tower by leonid Afremov by Leonidafremov
2 deviants said Wolf by Jon-Lock
1 deviant said Silence by kittysophie
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
5’ 8”, and born to confuse, everyone says,
i am holding the pieces of my mind
so delicately between thumb and forefinger;
biased corpus callosum, left hemisphere – heart-brained, i proclaim!
as i forget to think before i say and hold onto my morals
as if they might run away…
perverse-right-brainer in the hands
of a wrong universe; held rapt
in the moaning refrains of a girl trapped
underneath the wingspan of a man, under the
suffocating shadow of
learning how to acquiesce
and how to dominate.

to let spinal fluid caress my bony wrists, smell
the indecency of the blood
cradling the heart i wear on my sleeve
that i always claimed was tucked deep
inside my ribcage – out of sight,
out of my fucking mind; it’s purely heresy, a form of betrayal
to myself, but i am human,
a poet for that matter, stuck in the trend of
pouring my misunderstood soul out onto a word document,
into hardly understandable stanzas of out-there metaphors
and too-simple similes.

born accompanied by a virus of the mind, a chaos of the hemispheres,
to dictate and doctor the words sloshing
around inside my brain; inside my skull
a dictionary of why’s and where’s, but ironically
no how’s.

and held feverishly between my fingertips,
the key to my vices and few virtues, i clutch without
purpose or many reasons; simply to shield
its fragile structure from the fractures of
disorder, from the serial murders of
words in disguise.

i am 5’ 8”, born to confuse. brunette, chocolate-eyed, idiotic
golf-and-olympics-fan that watches anime with
wanting eyes; heart full of desires that require
the age of national consent, a pillow to hide the
voices screaming from my head down to my burdened chest.
with a slab of pudge that doesn’t understand the concept
of working it off, and a collarbone fit for
my old anorexic habits, i am a boy of sixteen. bleeding for
boys stuck with their old breasts (like myself), skin full of scars
to remind myself that not all battles are better left
forgotten; mind fixated on an ultimatum
of the thought: i will be happy. the bruises under my eyes
state otherwise, and refuse to testify; though the
sun-freckles on my cheeks make me seem amiable, the largeness of
my eyes make me seem emotional. the size of my muscles,
the density of my passion, and the difficulty i experience when trying
to adapt my wrecked train of thought to the stream
of stuttered-out words i speak,
all seems to amalgamate under my cheeks when
asked to communicate aloud.

i am a poet-writer thing, modestly defined by words, merely described
in laymen’s terms. my thoughts mend to the sad
cry of a cello racked by the illness of snapped strings – snapped
strings by the angry hands of a poet-boy who
just can’t learn to play. decided to love everyone
despite their parts, but settled for a cute, blue-eyed and fire-hearted
boy that never ceases to amaze my tangled brain.

5’ 8”, and born to confuse.
5' 8'', and born to confuse.
i've been seeing a lot of poetry, specifically from chromeantennae and A-Lovely-Anxiety that talk about heights and about what they look like. i'm not sure what it's all about, but i decided to make a thing. it just came out. i dunno anymore~

also sorry about not updating art of the week in like two weeks. i've been so damn busy. 


Artist | Varied
United States
Hello there. My name is Nikolas, you can call me Nik or whatever comes to your mind.

Right now I'm working on a future war novel set in a pre-apocalyptic AU alongside another book about a man with multiple personality disorder, so it's pretty darn inventive in this mess of a brain.

:bulletblack: I am obsessed with anime for most of my day.
:bulletblack: If you speak to me in a foreign language, I will respond in a foreign language.
:bulletblack: My art makes people think I'm always serious. I'm actually a self-proclaimed idiot.
:bulletblack: I like to write and I like to fluster people with my writing.
:bulletblack: I listen to underground rap / rock, classical, dubstep, and lots of foreign tunes.
:bulletblack: I put my cats before myself.
:bulletblack: I am taken by a beautiful boy that doubts his beauty.
:bulletblack: I really enjoy ribcages and spines.
:bulletblack: I could play The Last of Us all darned day.
:bulletblack: I believe firmly in science.

El Psy Congroo.

Fandoms I am currently obsessed with: Attack on Titan, Black Butler, Tokyo Ghoul, Death Note, Steins;Gate, Fullmetal Alchemist (mostly Brotherhood), Hetalia, Face Off (awesome show on SyFy), Hollywood Undead, Vocaloid (my favorites are: Oliver, Gumi, Kaito, Gakupo, Len & Rin, VY2 Yuuma, Megurine Luka, and IA), Avenged Sevenfold, and Godzilla mainly. :heart:

Also, I know I never thank anyone for favorites, but I always respond to comments, features and the likes. However, a thanks for the generous favorites from my readers is hopefully implied. Again, thank you! :hug:

Some of my favorite artists that you should definitely check out!
:iconmariannainsomnia: :iconplacebofx: :iconmatthias-haker: :iconnanfe: :iconnataliadrepina: :iconnikolasbrummer: :iconrosel-d: :iconsenju-hime: :iconshaolinfeilong: :iconsydesu: :icontaralundriganphoto: :iconwonderbandalice: :iconxiaoyugaara: :iconyuumei: :iconjon-lock: :iconlen-yan: :iconkhaoskai: :iconkostassoid: :iconkyoux: :iconlaura-makabresku: :iconmediaviolence: :iconamazingartistyellow: :iconaphin123: :iconbailey--elizabeth: :iconchaosfissure: :iconelenahelfrecht: :iconhikariix: :iconhubedihubbe: :icon4bsinthe:

Some of my favorite writers that you should definitely check out!

:iconcopper9lives: :iconmatieucanadawilliams: :iconoaklungs: :iconpuddlethecat: :iconretrubutionist777: :iconsaltwaterlungs: :iconsetmyworldintomotion: :iconsolis-ortus: :iconssensory: :iconlady-yume: :iconlearningtobefree: :iconlittleblueraccoon: :iconannanious84: :iconbrokenfragilethings: :iconbrokencrystalrose: :iconcounting-vertebrae: :icondearpoetry: :iconastergirl: :iconchromeantennae:

My IRL friends and great artists (check them out as well!)

:iconshadownelliel: :iconxemptyxgravex: :iconzeldapokemonlover64: :iconkimiwaruiimouto: :iconbrokencrystalrose: :iconkirstenluttrell:


I never post anything on my account soooo. That link is partly useless.

Art of the Week (is back!) 

4 deviants said Sweet Dreams by kawacy
4 deviants said IMG 9730-web by warhammerphoto
3 deviants said Eiffel Tower by leonid Afremov by Leonidafremov
2 deviants said Wolf by Jon-Lock
1 deviant said Silence by kittysophie


A Bit of Q & A

q. Do you take requests?
a. As of now, no, but I will update and let everyone know when I will! :aww:

q. Can I use your photos / literature for one of my projects?
a. I'd prefer you ask to use my photos (a note, no comments), but I'd rather you not use my literature.

q. What's your favorite anime?
a. I have many! Attack on Titan, Steins;Gate, Kuroshitsuji or Fullmetal Alchemist though, for first place.

q. Do you read manga? If yes, which is your favorite?
a. Yes! My favorite manga is probably Kuroshitsuji. Shingeki no Kyojin at a close second, and Tokyo Ghoul.

q. What kind of camera do you use?
a. Pentax k100D.

q. How many years writing experience do you have?
a. Nine and a half years.

q. Are you a professional writer or have you taken any classes?
a. I'm not a professional, but I take basic learning creative writing classes online. I now teach character development and creative tools in writing online.

q. What is your full name?
a. I won't give out my full name but my first is Nikolas.


Add a Comment:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner 12 hours ago
Thanks for the faves <3
C4PNshota Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the:+fav: on paperchild - Markiplier
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
Thanks for all the faves <3
d-e-l-e-t-e-d Featured By Owner Edited Oct 1, 2014  New member Hobbyist Writer
:heart: Thank you so much for the fave(s). :glomp:
ssensory Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014  Student Writer
It's an honor to be considered one of your favorite writers. Thank you.
(1 Reply)
Kimiwaruiimouto Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Fav! Here have a cupcakeCupcake GIF Icon - Five Nights at Freddy's 
WhitePlumFragrance Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :heart:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014   Writer
(1 Reply)
SeamlessMaiden Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks for the fave on A Pair of Masks, dear! :tighthug:
SeamlessMaiden Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much for the fave on bad habits, dear! :tighthug:
(1 Reply)
Add a Comment: