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Literature Text
I wasn’t ready when you told me
You wanted to give me your heart.
It’s dreadful,
It’s black.
It’s dark,
It’s pure.
I get lost inside the depth,
Held within the damp folds
Of the cuts along your internal pathways.
The pieces of other people’s
Muscles and veins,
They line your ribs,
They line your stomach.
This isn’t all I’ve seen.
I’ve seen the lies of your mother,
The abuse from your father,
The unconventionality of your life,
The impact of my words
Resting silent, to make your belly
Sick when held as portraiture in the light.
I wasn’t ready when you told me
You wanted to give me your innocence.
Legs spread open wide,
Blank expressions in the water in your eyes.
I wasn’t ready.
And neither were you.
You wanted to give me your heart.
It’s dreadful,
It’s black.
It’s dark,
It’s pure.
I get lost inside the depth,
Held within the damp folds
Of the cuts along your internal pathways.
The pieces of other people’s
Muscles and veins,
They line your ribs,
They line your stomach.
This isn’t all I’ve seen.
I’ve seen the lies of your mother,
The abuse from your father,
The unconventionality of your life,
The impact of my words
Resting silent, to make your belly
Sick when held as portraiture in the light.
I wasn’t ready when you told me
You wanted to give me your innocence.
Legs spread open wide,
Blank expressions in the water in your eyes.
I wasn’t ready.
And neither were you.
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Comments8
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique ImpactI'm not sure I can adequately critique this one. What I can say is that it's incredibly powerful, almost shocking in its violence.
In many ways this reads like an inversion of the romantic cliches involved with sudden, passionate love. The imagery of the heart is paradoxically both corrupt and pure, mirroring the ambivalence of the narrator.
The idea of the body made up of pieces of other people is striking; whether taken deliberately or somehow acquired over a lifetime, the implication is that the narrator is in danger.
The reference to parents seems a little out of place, perhaps because it takes the reader outside the body and into a fairly conventional space. That weakens the stanza, although you return to the body immediately afterwards.
Finally, the notion of the body 'spread open wide' shows both vulnerability and an absolute incomprehension of the magnitude of what is being offered. The narrator understands what is at stake, but the reader gets the sense that the 'other' has no real grasp of everything that has happened to their body - which enhances the poem's impact.
All in all, the reader comes away disturbed and unsettled, while at the same time fascinated and drawn in by the imagery. Incredible work.
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