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Writings by Ravenshymn

Poetry by Fundelstein

poems by SasukeUchihaSan


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Submitted on
July 14, 2013
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i. Childhood

My cousin found me
Curled up beneath the banana tree
A baby snake snuggled under my arm
Breathing
Twitching
She wasn’t alarmed
I knew the creature was lost
Alone
And scared
Such as I, as a child
Scared and alone without a father in the world
But I didn’t know that

My aunt killed it
And made me cry
I cried for so long and so hard
Gasping
Choking
She wasn’t compassionate
The creature was new
Fresh
And alive
Such as I, as a human
Fresh and alive in my youth
But I didn’t know that

ii. Preadolescence

My mom found me
Nuzzled in the tresses of my own hair
A fragile scrap of hope snagged by the morning
Protesting
Screaming
She wanted me to get up
And go to school
Self-conscious
And afraid
Such as I, as a victim
Self-conscious and afraid under the glare of others
But I didn’t know that

My grandmother loves me
Through all my obvious surface flaws
Though she couldn’t see that I was
Suffering
Being raped
She wept for days
Strung out on trembling faith
Deceived
And hurt
Such as I, as an innocent
Deceived and hurt by the wrong love he gave me
But I didn’t know that

iii. Adolescence

My grandfather praised me
For all the small things I did
Though he couldn’t have known that I was
Dying
Bleeding
He found out the wrong way
Discovering the magnitude of how much I hated myself
Confused
And humbled
Such as I, as a teenager
Confused and humbled through years of puzzlement
But I didn’t know that

She is my best friend
For the rest of my life
And we have a bond that runs deeper than destiny
Thicker
Than
Water

It twines all the disorder from our pasts
And makes it beautiful with lies and wounds
Wrong
And right
Such as I, as a diseased individual
Wrong and right with how I envision my life continuing
But I didn’t know that

iv. Maturity

She was my life
Across fields of sin and fire
I don’t know if she knows just how much I
Love
And cherish her
But we are the same
And that could shun us both in the eyes of them
Segregated
And yearning
Such as I, as a young adult
Segregated and yearning for something and someone I shouldn't
But I didn’t know that

I don’t know who I am
Without all the scars sullying my flesh
Absent in the presence of those who ask me why I am so
Quiet
Emotionless
Because I have become the baby snake
And I feel the shovel coming down on my neck
Throbbing
And writhing
Such as I, as one
Throbbing and writhing, bloodied tissues in tow
But now I understand
It was hard to write maturity. So hard...
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:iconmissstory:
Critique by MissStory Aug 6, 2013, 11:16:37 AM
The one thing I've learned when it comes to writing-relate back to the beginning. And you did just that. This poem was painful for me to read, because of some of the maturity as well as how I was able to relate to it because in a sense we are all that defenseless baby snake. I like the format you wrote it, how the stanza changes as you use adjectives.
My favorite part would have to be
Fresh
And alive
Such as I, as a human
Fresh and alive in my youth
But I didn’t know that

There is alot we learn as we continue with our lives, and we still do. We will never know everything, we can hear but that alone does not teach us. Experience is our teacher, and that's what I can get from this poem, that you've had experiences and you can go back to when you had that baby snake and relate to how it felt, being killed.
There's more I'd like to say about this piece, but I can't seem to put it into words. But then again that's what writing can do, influence you in a way that's indescribable. I love your style here. I hope this helps and keep up the good work :)
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:iconsplotchthenirakian:
SplotchtheNirakian Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014
Um..... Not good with this kinda stuff.... Er.... I think going from speechless to horrified to nervous wasn't a good thing for my brain...um.... :iconawkwardhugplz:
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:icongrammarshinehyena:
GrammarshineHyena Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow...  this is just so raw and emotional.  I felt my face burning a little as I read it.  I haven't experienced all  that you have, so it wasn't  quite personal enough to me to bring actual tears, but I definitely felt something, and that is  proof that you have great talent in writing.

Thanks for sharing something so personal with the community.  And never forget that you are beautiful.  <3
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:iconcrooked-clockwork:
crooked-clockwork Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014   General Artist
Thank you so much! :la:
Reply
:icongrammarshinehyena:
GrammarshineHyena Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are so welcome.  c:
Reply
:iconsasukeuchihasan:
SasukeUchihaSan Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
When I minus the sexual abuse (I dislike using the term "rape,'' excuse me for that) I can really..Really..painfully...relate..and it's really hard to admit it..
:iconawkwardhugplz:
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:iconcrooked-clockwork:
crooked-clockwork Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013   General Artist
I just want to hug you. :iconletmehugyouplz:
Reply
:iconsasukeuchihasan:
SasukeUchihaSan Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconhugplz: Thanks. If that's the case, hug me all you want :,)
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:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Student Writer
need a hug?
Reply
:iconcrooked-clockwork:
crooked-clockwork Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013   General Artist
:tighthug: 
Reply
:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Student Writer
*hugs you* Hug 
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